End of an Era?

The times, they are a-changing

Whilst it is always my aim to make these posts humorous, you’ll have to allow me a little bit of sentimentality in this update. You see, I worked my last shift behind the bar which this is based on on Saturday. So naturally I’m in a little bit of a retrospective mood.

I’m going to miss serving all of our regulars, and our one-off visitors. And I’d like to say ‘thank you’ to each and every person who has come into the pub and who I’ve served in my nearly four years (in two stints) working there.

But I’d also like to confirm that The Last Drop Inn will live on. Whilst these stories are mostly true, The Last Drop exists on the internet and so, with a little creative licence, it doesn’t really matter where I work. There will still be stories to tell.

And, I’m not going very far at all. In truth, I’ve taken a job at another bar literally around the corner. Sure, I’m a little frustrated that it’s added another 30 seconds onto my commute, but I’m certain I’ll get over that in time!

Working in a new place, though, means I’ll get to know a whole new host of regulars and be able to share some of their stories with you. Plus, I’ll still be drinking in the pub I’ve just left, so I’ll still see most of our regulars on a frequent basis.

So in reality, I’m probably going to have double the material I’ve previously had to draw from.

With all of that being said, let’s get into the meat of this post. I normally try and base each update around a loose theme. But there are a couple of regulars who I haven’t yet introduced you to, who, together, don’t really fit a wider theme. Nonetheless, you should meet them. So here we go.

Andy

If you live in the local village, and needed something doing around your house, or if you’ve had children attend scouts, you’ll almost certainly have met Andy. Not only is he the local handyman, he’s also a prominent scout leader, and a committed member of Tea Time Club. He also has a good line in humorous t-shirts.

The best of which take the form of a tick-box question: ‘are you drunk?’, with boxes reading ‘yes’ and ‘no’, and a large red cross nowhere near either box. He also has special outfits for each day of our annual beer and music festival. Or rather, he has as of this year. Sunday has been Hawaiian shirt day for several years.

But this year, in mid-June, a parcel arrived at the pub addressed to Andy. This isn’t, in and of itself, an uncommon occurrence. In fact, a number of people order items for delivery to the pub, on the dual knowledge that there will always be someone in to accept the package, and that they’ll undoubtedly be in at some point on the day of delivery.

This particular parcel, though, was a special delivery for the beer festival. He’d bought a beer shirt. Specifically, it was a t-shirt which looked like a pint of beer, complete with bubbling amber fluid and a creamy white head. As the day wore on, he claimed that it was a visual representation of how full he currently was.

Interestingly, though, he never seemed to get any fuller. And I don’t just mean the beer level on his t-shirt never moved. I mean he got to a point where he was cheerfully merry, and then stayed there. All day. I’ve no idea whether he has a specific training regime in the run-up to beer fest, or whether the t-shirt had special powers, but whatever it was, he never got drunk.

Whilst the beer level on this magical t-shirt never moved, he does have another piece of technology which does move and which he employs on a regular basis.

You remember those old dot matrix scrolling signs that used to be ubiquitous in cheap technology shops and barbers up and down the high street? Well Andy has downloaded a replica one to his phone.

And he uses it on busier evenings when the bar is packed and he’s trying to get served.

He stands at the back of the crowd, with his phone aloft in his right hand, as the message slowly scrolls across the screen: ‘pint of Coors, please’.

At least he’s polite…

Viking

If there was a competition for the most hirsute person in the pub, I’d come in a distant second to Viking. I’d also come in a distant second for the person in the pub who likes the widest range of ale, also to Viking.

When I first became aware of him, he was a committed dark ale drinker. He didn’t even bother to consider the pales on the other side of the bar. And only if the stout was particularly repellent would he have a pint of the brown beer we offer.

Not that he finds many black ales repellent. He enjoys the more usual milds and stouts, with coffee and chocolate notes. He also likes the weird ones. Like the peanut butter stouts. Or the really sweet milk ones. Or the ones with vanilla and cocoa beans in them.

More recently, he has also expanded his horizons and now enjoys the paler beers too. So long as they’re either hazy or fruity. And when I say fruity, I’m talking about ones that taste just like jam doughnuts, or blueberry muffins. And just this week, he’s discovered that he’s a big fan of what I firmly believe to be the most horrendous beer we’ve ever served: a rhubarb and custard wheat beer.

I’m telling you all of this by way of illustrating that he has very accommodating taste buds. And this runs in the family: his dad and younger brother also frequently visit the pub, and they also like a wide range of beers.

In fact, on a Tuesday, Viking, his dad and some of his dad’s friends call in for a couple of hours at the back end. With one sole exception, they enjoy a delicious pint of ale. That one exception drinks Carling. I was going to say that he enjoys a pint of Carling. But I don’t actually believe that’s possible. So all I can say is that he drinks it.

There has been, for several months now, a running joke that they order several pints of beer and a ‘pop for the lad’ who drinks Carling. And I’ve fully encouraged this. After all, it does seem a little juvenile to drink rubbish lager when all around you are enjoying men’s drinks.

That was, until this week. When Viking’s dad ordered a half. Of coke. From now on, ‘a pop for the lad’ will be half of coke, and if you fancy a pint of lager, go ahead and

order it. At least it contains alcohol!

I was going to say that I didn’t believe it was possible for Viking to follow suit and order a soft drink in the pub. That was, until I was proved completely wrong just this last Wednesday. When he ordered two pints of orange cordial. Orange cordial.

Somehow, I think I’ve entered a parallel universe…

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